Letter's to Lex
by MockingBirdie
Summary: Clark goes missing and Lex ends up finding some strange letters- all addressed to him.:: Mild slash, Future!Fic, AU


A/N: This story is AU and ignores large portions of everything that happens after season three and blends Smallville!Cannon into something approaching Comic!Cannon. Essentially all characters that appear after season three (Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, ect.), returning them to something closer to comic form and all Lexanna has been removed.

* * *

He hated Lex. Or, at the very least, Clark knew he should hate Lex. Lex had betrayed him, had investigated him and had just generally been an ass.

Clark knew he couldn't trust him... But that didn't stop him from wanting to. He couldn't however, and he needed to move on.

One of the many self-help books he'd read over the years had suggested that the best way to get over "past emotional heart-aches" was to write letters to the person who had hurt you. Clark had figured he had nothing to lose and had started doing it- that was nearly two years ago, right after he had lied to Lex about why Perry White was dogging him.

The first letter was short, to the point.

_Dear Lex,_

_You hit me with your Porsche. Don't worry, though. A day later I found out I was an alien. Which wasn't confusing at all._

_Thanks for giving the time and space I needed to deal with it._

_-Your Friend,_

_Clark Kent._

_PS: No one knows but my parents, me, you and Pete._

_PPS: Pete found my spaceship after the tornado storm, that's the only reason he knows._

* * *

The second was a bit more pointed.

_Dear Lex,_

_Your a jerk and nearly got everyone killed. Next time you go after your father, a little heads-up would be nice._

_Oh, and thanks for only pointing a gun at ME, instead of actually shooting me. Freaking out about me being an alien was a nice way to prove that it's a good thing I didn't trust you with it before. Of course now, I have to trust anything you say will be taken as insane ramblings and pray your father doesn't start where you left off..._

_Now it's off to break you out of the asylum._

_-The one always saving your ass,_

_Clark Kent._

_PS: Do not ever! Almost get run over again. That kind of save is difficult to cover-up. I can do without getting hit by anymore cars, thanks._

* * *

The third Letter didn't get written until he managed to go blind and then get his sight back, along with a new ability.

_Dear Lex,_

_Did you know, people sound really weird? I've reach this conclusion after careful listening. Hearing someone's heart-beat is one thing, hearing their digestive tract and everything else is quite another. But at the same time it's not bad. Just another layer of senses. Sometimes I freak out a little when I'm sitting at home and find myself suddenly hearing something miles away- oddly enough, it's usually you- but I'm getting better at controlling it..._

_I'm sorry for being such an ass about letting you help but; Alien me, remember? It's not like I can afford more than the basic tests- or any tests really. With invincible skin, super-speed, super-strength, x-ray vision, lasers shooting out of my eyes (ha, funny story with that one actually) and now super-hearing, it's just not a good idea for any medical professional to get their hands on me._

_I have nightmares about it... more and more often since Ryan died._

_I hate lying to you Lex- but what would you do if you knew? From where I stand, you'd either use me- or try to protect me. I don't think I could let you. You'd go to far, no matter which way we decided to turn. I love you too much to watch you destroy yourself for me._

_Your silent friend,_

_Clark Kent._

_PS: Your heartbeat is a comfort. It might be stalker-ish, but I'm always listening to it._

* * *

By the fourth letter, Clark's letter's took on a different note all together.

_Dear Lex,_

_I'm glad I'm doing this, it's almost like telling you... With everything going on, it's good to have someone to confide in- even if you'll never read-_

* * *

**Three Weeks Ago (24 days)**

Lex Luthor was throwing a press conference. There were reasons for this and there were _reasons_, but Lex was quite certain that no one needed to know about the later ones.

The official reason was to announce the permanent merger of Lex corp with Luthor corp. With Lionel's body cooling in the ground for the past two days, Lex had decided to be nice about the not-quite-hostile-takeover and have the main company be called Luthor Corp, less pompous that way.

Lex had found through experience that the best way to deal with the press was to invite them in with a smile and a wink and then tell them exactly what they wanted and expected to hear. It work surprisingly well, with most reporters anyways. There were of course exceptions...

"Yes, Ms. Lane?" Lex hide his distaste behind a careful smile. Lois Lane had been a reporter for some time, working her way up the ranks in the Daily Planet with a bit too much ease, going through partners suspiciously fast. Up until she had been paired with Clark on an assignment and- for reasons Lex does not pretend to understand- they clicked.

"How will this merger effect your _medical _and _agricultural _research." Ms. Lane asked, eyes sharp and words sharp enough to cut.

Lex grinned, he knew Lois' angle and while he could not understand her grudge against him, he had learned to deal with it. "My father and I both kept the advance of science in the forefront of our companies. It is my belief that the merger will only manage to increase the number and range of products we come out with. Which if history proves actuate, will increase not only our knowledge but our prosperity."

On the pretense of looking for the next question, Lex and the room and... no Clark. A frown flickers for the briefest of moments across his brow. Every since he had informed Clark's editor-in-chief, Perry White, that he found Clark's questions "quick-witted and informed", the man had been sure to send Clark to everyone of Lex's press conferences. In return, Lex had made sure to call on Clark as often as occasion allowed... or Lois. For even with all that had happened between them, Lex still trusted Clark to write a fair and honest report- no matter what his partner wanted to do.

Lex mentally shrugged off Clark absence. While it did not happen often, occasionally Clark would still play hero. No doubt that was what he was doing.

Answering a few more questions, Lex excused himself early, leaving his PR guys to wrap it up.

* * *

Scanning through the papers the next day, Lex felt more than a flicker of anxiety. There wasn't a single report on anything that might have been Clark. No aborted muggings or impossible saves. Nor was there a single byline with Clark's name, thinking back, Lex felt his worry spike when he realized Clark had not had a byline in almost a week.

Were was he?

Flipping open his cellphone, Lex made a handful of calls and quickly found out four things.

_One:_ Clark had been out of the city for roughly three days.

_Two_: He (most likely) had not been kidnapped, as he had told his editor he was taking personal leave.

_Three_: He had paid off his apartment for the next eighteen months with the agreement that it was to stay empty.

_Four_: While it seemed to be agreed that he would come home, no one seemed to have any idea when.

Lex sighed. While it made sense that Clark wouldn't tell Lex he was leaving- they hadn't really talked in years (and Lex could only half pretend that the Q&As and interviews were them talking, even when Lois wasn't in the room, Clark was never more then cordial.)- but it still hurt Lex that he had not known.

Making up his mind, Lex decided all he could do was keep an eye out and wait for Clark to return.

* * *

**Zero Weeks Ago (zero days)**

No one had seemed to be able to tell Lex anything. Countless people hired and money spent and absolutely no news out of any of it. Clark might as well be in the middle of the Arctic for all the information Lex could get on him. So he had done what any concerned friend would do and bought the building with Clark's apartment in it.

After that it was a simple matter to give notice to the absentee tenet and proceed to... well it wasn't breaking and entering if you owned the building.

Looking around the apartment, Lex noted the slight disarray with a fond grin. While there was no dirty dishes, Clark had left his bad unmade, towels hang lopsided from the shower door and papers- from research, magazines and newspapers to stacks of notebook and loose leaf paper- were scattered across almost all available surfaces. Lex walked through the apartment feeling like a snooping guest. It all looked and felt as if Clark had just stepped out for a moment and would soon return.

That is until Lex saw the vase of wilted flowers on the kitchen table. Clark was gone- and Lex had no idea where he was. He found himself sitting on the couch with only a vague idea of how he got there, staring absently at his faint reflection in it's polished wood surface.

Presently he came back to himself enough to notice the four framed mismatched photos perched on the edge on the coffee table. Curious, for from what Lex had seen they were the only photos in the house, he examined them carefully.

The first was one of Clark and his parents on the day Clark had graduated from high-school. Clark beamed from between them, Mrs. Kent was caught mid-laugh and Jonathan Kent looked out with the same solemn patients he had always shown in life. It had truly been a sad in the world when that man had passed away.

The second photo was one of the same day, only this one held Clark, Chloe, Pete and Lana, all dressed in black graduation robes, grinning at the camera. A slight smile touched Lex's lips as he stared at the picture, life had been so much easier then.

The third photo was a much more recent one. With Clark, Lois and Chloe raising toasts to the camera in front of a Christmas tree- Clark wearing what looked a lot like reindeer antler's. Signed over the top in Chloe crisp scrawl, bright blue ink proclaimed, "Beat you to it! See you both at the top! Visit me in Gotham!" Lex shock his head slightly. Chloe had managed to speed through the ranks at the Gotham Herald with her signature gusto and determination, becoming one of their top reporters less than a year after transferring from the Daily Planet.

The fourth photo gave Lex pause. It was of him. Lex picked it up carefully. Staring at the faint smirk he had given the camera, eyes blank and mask firmly in place. The background of red, white and blue tipped Lex off that it was one of the shots he had taken when he had ran for office all those years ago. _Why would Clark?_... Lex fingers brushed against something taped to the back and he flipped the frame over.

An envelope was taped to the back of the frame. Curious, Lex flicked it opened and pulled out a card with the letters LL monogrammed in purple on the cover. Feeling a tingling of apprehension, Lex opened the card and read, _"Dear Clark, drive safely. Always in your debt, the maniac in the Porsche."_ It was the card Lex had given Clark with the first of many rebuffed gifts. Of course having his gifts returned or refused had only made Lex more creative in his giving.

Placing the card but in the envelope and then re-taping it to the frame, Lex carefully replaced the frame on the coffee table. A strange thought sneaking into the back of his mind had Lex off the couch.

He began to go through Clark's apartment room by room, opening every cupboard and drawer and removing everything before placing it back where it was. He wasn't sure what he was looking for- but he knew he had found it when, hidden under lose floor boards in the bedroom closet- Lex found the letters.

There were over a thousand of in Clark's junior year of high school and going through college and up to this year. Sorted out by year and placed in carefully marked shoe boxes. Letters written all beginning with _"Dear Lex"_. Lex had started reading the earliest ones first, but partway through the fourth one had come to the decision that he really needed to know where Clark was now not the better part of a decade ago.

Opening the most recent box, Lex sorted through until he found the newest of the letters, dated the night before Clark's disappearance from Metropolis.

_Dear Lex,_

_This is going to be the last one for a while. I have finally convinced myself that I have to go to the fortress. Waiting any longer is just going to put people in danger, you included._

_I wish I could say goodbye to you, Lex. But I can't. I doubt you even care anymore._

_I admit that I still like to think of us as friends, even with all that happened. The lies- and don't pretend they were all mine, we both know they weren't- and the betrayals... I wish it had ended differently. Because it did end, didn't it? All those years ago._

_Damn, this is going no where. I find it hard to believe I still write these- habits are a pain to break though- are they not? I finally looked it up- apparently you are only supose to write one letter and then burn it but- I've had these for so long that it would seem silly to destroy them. Besides, they help me remember that I was once human- and that's something isn't it._

_Maybe you'd know, Lex, but most I doubt would guess how much of a comfort it is to know that, once upon a time- I fell in love with a man who could no more trust me then I him. It lets me know that once, I cared._

_I can not say I really care about anything now._

_I wake-up and listen to the city scream. I go to work and hear gunfire in the Middle East. I come home and the cries of children are my lullaby. I feel like I might be going insane- because I can not stop it. There are so many reasons why even the little I do may be too much. You're among those reasons._

_You've always been too sharp for anyone's good. Including yours. Always asking the wrong questions. Always the "Hows" and never the "Whys". But with your father, I guess you learned to think the whys didn't matter._

_Thing is, they stopped mattering to me to._

_Lois is the one who tipped me off to it. Called me "cynical". Hm, she was right to._

_I guess if you were to look for a reason for my departure, you could look there. I mean, come on, the only reason I've stayed in the states and not gone to Jor-El is I... I was scared he'd turn me into something I wouldn't like. But I'm not anymore, want to know why?_

_I think I finally get it. Or at least part of it. It- what you do, what you've done- has nothing to do with me, and every thing to do with me. It's all about protecting yourself, right? In the very beginning it was to protect yourself from Lionel- but as time went on, you started protecting yourself from me too. I doubt you even realized that was what you were doing, not at first. Some part of you knew the meteor-rock hurt me, or maybe it was that Lionel was experimenting with it- doesn't matter- but you started researching it and I, of course, flipped out. But you didn't stop. Because you had to- needed to- protect yourself at all costs._

_Wish I had thought of this earlier. Though it may not have mattered. Ha, knowing you- you'd deny the whole thing as false... and maybe it is._

_But you, the way and lengths you go to protect yourself, have assured me that if I come back as a monster- you'll stop me. I know you will. Maybe you'll even kill me- it'd be interesting to see if you could. But I know that no matter what happens, you'll be there if I go too far. You know about the kryptonite. I trust you enough to use it if you have to._

_I trust you. Bit late, huh?_

_But I think that's why I'm really leaving. I can go knowing that Lex Luthor is here for when I get back. Which (if the AI isn't lying) is only 6-to-8 months away. See you then!_

_Love,_

_Clark Kent_

_PS: Next time I write, I may very well be signing it Kal-El... though I really hope not._

_PPS: Good luck on the merger!_

Lex sat, re-reading the letter several times, feeling more than a little lost.

After a while, he flicked open his cell-phone. "Hey, Nita? I'm going to take the rest of the day off. Call Charles and tell him to call off the search... Yes, I do know where Kent is at and no- it is none of your concern. Thank you."

Pulling the earliest box onto the bed, Lex sat down and got comfortable- he had some reading to do. They were addressed to him, after all.

* * *

A/N: So what do you think? good/bad? Feel free to tell me. Also, there is a chance this will have a second (or more) chapter- but it's all up to you!  
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it!


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